7 Tips for Creating Your Own Destiny

Are you working on your life or just in it? Here is the perspective and method you need to plan and execute the life and career worthy of your potential.

 

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Too many people whine about not having the life they want. The main reason people fall short of their own expectations is the same reason most companies fail to achieve their objectives: poor planning and execution. In fact, I am amazed at how many successful executives create strategy for their business, leaving their life to chance. Often it's more comfortable (note I didn't say easier) to complain and blame outside factors for lack of accomplishment or unhappiness than to take time to work on life rather than in it.
I choose otherwise. A close entrepreneur friend, J, and I are taking our annual four days away to determine our futures and hold each other accountable. Here are the tips that will assure us of success.

1. Plan a Preferred Future

As Lewis Carroll said: If you don't know where you are going, then any road will get you there. Both J and I are close to 50, so our 60th birthdays are the milestone for this journey. Twelve years is plenty of time to make course corrections and absorb any external factors thrown at us. Our planning will be specific and measurable. We'll take time to examine and discuss the details of every aspect of our lives, personal and professional, to achieve integrated success and happiness.

2. Be Pragmatic

Neither of us will be playing for the NBA at our age (or my height). The future has to reflect what is physically possible with available resources and limitations. Pragmatism isn't in itself restrictive, however; J and I will harness our creativity to design aspirational futures that exploit every opportunity and asset we have. We'll also create filters to keep us from wasting time and energy on what's unachievable or irrelevant.

3. Decide the Who, Not the What

We're defining who we want to be at 60, not what we want to be doing. The who centers on passion, core competencies, and core satisfaction, such as material requirements. If I know who I truly want to be, I can detail what to do, own, resources I need, etc. I can also determine what not to do, own, etc., focusing time and resources where required.

4. Be Honest

J and I will challenge each other constantly to get to the truth of who we are and who we wish to be. There will be no quiet politeness on this trip (not that I'm capable of it). I can't let J believe his own stories and rationalizations, causing misdirection and distraction. Warning: Allowing this dialogue requires intimate knowledge of each other and great trust. Pick your accountability partners wisely.

5. Consider the Tools Around You, Old and New

Every resource is important. On my old list is Napoleon Hill, who nearly 100 years ago connected creative visualization to success. And I will also consider new resources like crowdsourcing. Although I'm a natural skeptic for overhyped Internet trends, my friend and talented designer Elena Kriegner inspired me with her KickStarter campaign. It's simple, interesting, and elegant (like her jewelry), which is why it's gaining traction, unlike many others. In this planning exercise, no resources, new or old, are off the table to achieve my desired future.

6. Ignore the Naysayers

I live for constructive criticism. But outside perspective that is baseless conjecture or stems from emotional baggage (think dissatisfied family or friends) is destructive for achievers. Put these people in a box where they can't distract you from your ambitions. Find people who get it, and put them in your corner. Engage them in your preferred future, and help them achieve theirs.

7. Don't Settle for Mediocrity

Although being the next Steve Jobs or U.S. President is likely off our agenda (as it should be), J and I both want to be pushed to the limits of our potential. Too many people settle for what is easy rather than engage their energy and creativity to create something different and meaningful. Then they wonder why their work has no significance. I choose to pursue the Awesome Experience.
People who take a reactive approach to growth and development will suffer the same fate as companies, managers, and employees who let the markets, technology, and competitors determine their destiny. The game of life rewards aggressive players who leverage their energy, smarts (note that I didn't say intelligence), and creativity to determine and obtain the life that truly makes them happy. As Jim Collins points out in Great by Choice, good and bad luck comes to all; it's how you plan and execute that determines your return on luck.

10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself

Everyday, you have another chance to make things better.

Published on March 31, 2011 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Some days are better than others. On those days that go less well, we usually end up being hard on ourselves. Here are some tools to avoid doing so.
1. Keep going. Don't let life's changes throw you off track, but remember that most extenuating circumstances are temporary. Gain more clarity by staying the course and channeling your energy in a positive direction.
2. Trust yourself. Believe in your inner resources, no matter what, and you'll grow from the experience. I believe that the answers usually lie within and you are probably smart enough to figure out what you need to do. Give yourself a little time and have patience.
3. Be friends with life. Remember that the world is not out to get you and it does not punish you. You do that to yourself. Learning to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.
4. Watch your thoughts. Your thinking will never be 100 percent positive. You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will help you move in a positive direction. Start recognizing negative thoughts and use your mind to quell them.

5. Summon the strength you have inside. Learn to access and direct your strengths to the highest good for all concerned. Believe that your strength and intelligence can help you deal with anything. Remember that you have survived worse.
6. Learn to love yourself. You do not have to be who you are today, and your life is not scripted. Changing how you feel about yourself means creating a strategy, gathering some new tools, and making yourself into the person you want to be. A good way to start is to stop doing things that hurt.
7. Don't want too much. Desire can be a powerful motivating tool, but wanting something too much can be very painful and very expensive, so don't live beyond your means or covet the unattainable. Seek your desire, but keep your integrity.
8. Don't get insulted. It is wise to be dispassionate about critical comments. Human's will always bump heads, but consider the source, and if it's the other person's issue, ignore it. Learn to respond instead of react, and don't show your ire.
9. Recognize that disappointment is part of life. Even the most successful people have to deal with disappointment, but they've learned how to use it to get to the next level of life. The trick is to process your feelings, then take some kind of action.
10. Deal with your fears. Overcoming fear makes you stronger, and being a little scared can make you better. You want to have butterflies; you just want them flying in formation. It helps to understand and admit your fears. Then you can kick them to the curb.
Feel good about yourself, no matter what life brings. Know that each time you wake up, you have another chance to make things better. Don't waste it.

Selling Tips

5 Simple Strategies to Sell Successfully

Sales is a journey. If the customer does not understand where you are headed and why she should come along, she won't.

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Making a sale should be easy, especially when you have the right product. But lots of people make it more complicated than it needs to be, and lose the prospective client in the process.
Here are my five "make it happen" steps to get the green light rather than put on the brakes:
Cut to the chase.
A good sales person doesn't waste time with filler words. He starts talking about the product right away. Here's an example. A website developer calls your company and starts by saying, "I am glad I finally got a hold of you. It took me more than 10 minutes to find your contact information on your website. My company does web development, and we could help you quickly fix that. Your customers would then be less frustrated and more easily able to contact you. Can I go over the site with you and find out what else you might like it to be able to do?" As the person being pitched, I am now fully engaged in the web developer's product--because he showed me he did his homework, and can solve a problem I did not know I had.
Skip the jargon.
Whether your product is technical in nature or you just tend to be on the know-it-all side of the spectrum, find a simple way to explain your product that anyone can follow. Customers don't want to need an explanation--they want to understand right away. My husband and I recently looked to buy a new mattress, and were confronted with all kinds of features to choose from. Rather than use empty pseudo-technical terms like moisture-wick and memory foam, a salesperson carefully went over why his mattress would last longer, how its structure would keep us from waking each other with our movements, and why the two different materials on its faces would help us be comfortable in any weather.
Paint a picture.
You will not always have the luxury of meeting with your customer face to face. Learn how to describe your product in a way that even someone who has never seen it can imagine what it is. At my company, we sell products over the phone. We have several items that are made of wood, and often lesser-known wood species, so they can be hard for the customer to envision. We received a new product last week, and I had not yet seen it, but I heard one of our sales reps describing it to a customer as looking like the inside of a tree when it is freshly cut. I was pleased; I knew immediately that it was lighter in color, had a ring pattern, and a visible grain.
Get curious.

When you speak to a customer, concentrate on finding out about the customer instead of making your pitch. Asking open-ended questions, and then carefully listening to the answers will always get you further than delivering a monologue. A bank I never would have considered recently landed a meeting with me because the sales rep--after hearing I was not interested in changing credit card processors--asked me if there was anything I was frustrated with at my current bank. I was mad enough to want to talk about it, and he was astute enough to carefully connect my discontent to how his bank is different.
Make it matter.
Your product may have a ton of benefits, but they are worthless if the customer you sell to doesn't need them. Be able to constantly reframe those product benefits so that the particular customer with whom you are speaking understands the direct impact the product could have on his world. Our current health insurance broker won my business not because he explained to me how he was going to save me money (that was not a priority for me), but because his product offered a web portal that was able to help my employees clearly understand their health care options, and made my job as the administrator less burdensome. Those were the high priorities on my list.
A good way to think of selling is like a journey on which you are leading your customer. If the customer does not understand where you are headed and why she should come along, she will either choose not to take the trip, or wander off in a different direction midway through. All you have to do is get her excited about the destination, tell her all the beautiful things she will see along the way, and answer any questions she has so she feels safe and can enjoy the route.